Jigsaw Days and Quiet Time
It's been a while since I last wrote here.. Christmas and New Year passed by quietly. I trained through each week, enjoyed some relaxed time over the holiday weeks and started planning how best to use my time this year. Time that has been enjoyed recently on quiet simple pleasures..
There's a difference between the many forms of hiding away. There's the tricky version, where you're hiding because you're not sure where you fit in the world, it's really noisy, your mental health is not great and you don't want to play. Then there's positive escapology when you retract for a while, because you know its a safe space to collect yourself quietly.
I have been enjoying the latter - seeking the simple things that bring enjoyment and remembering how they can fill the days positively.. Rejuvenating with jigsaw time, restful days cooking healthy meals, catching up with sleep and the occasional snow-person.
Over the past 6 months I have been waiting for chance to rest properly. In July I went along for my smear test as normal. Later than necessary as I had rescheduled my check up in January 2020. I was going overseas with work and couldn't fit it in between meetings, then Covid lockdown 1.0 came along and there were no tests available in my area for several months.
But.. July came and went. The usual awkward feelings about having the test was routine, unfortunately the results that came back were not. I was treated for CIN3, which is not Cervical Cancer, but if left untreated will almost definitely become cancerous. A few horrendous periods came along after a really straight-forward procedure, followed by a 6 month wait to see if all affected cells were removed successfully.
So for the past 6 months I have kept up with a really clean diet, trained hard 4-5 days per week and attempted to do everything to give my body the best chance of recovering.. Each element of those lifestyle changes may or may not have directly helped, but just over a week ago, the results came back in and I got the all clear.
With this huge sense of relief also came with a side helping of guilt. Knowing others are receiving treatment for current diagnosis or are facing palative care, when you have come through the other side of a near miss, or whilst watching friends grieving for those they have lost, isn't easy.
I will be continuing to fundraise throughout the year for both Birmingham St Mary's Hospice and Macmillan Cancer, to help each organisation with the work they undertake. So far the 2021 diary includes a few events, but to get ready I have spent the past week doing very little.
Enjoying the peace and quiet.
Appreciating the simple pleasures, like cooking a comfort meal, solving a puzzle, long calls with a close friend or sinking back into a love of wiggly baselines and big horn sections on soul tunes. The need to rush has gone. Training restarts on Monday.
For now, I am going to drench my ears in music and find smiles wherever possible xx